I'd Love to Kiss Ya -

I'm sorry. I can't have sex with you.
Oh, I think we both know the reasons.
You're a swell guy, really. Nice smile. I think
maybe you're sincere. But come on... You're not
going to be as good as I am. No one ever is.
That and, if you get really into it I might confuse
that for passion. Like - you really like me.
Maybe I put too much emotion into these things.
I can't help it - a romantic at heart. I love to make out.
Frankly, sex I can do without. A bit of a letdown, really,
after the endless emails, Manhunt hunts, browsing craigslist,
gay.com, ebay...

I've been thru this enough to know the routine. We'll have sex,
you'll jump up after asking for a towel, clean up, get dressed.
Maybe we'll exchange a few pleasantries: "Man, I sure needed that";
"Thanks. What was your name again?"
Or not. Please try not to disturb my neighbors on your way out.

You won't call. That would be bad form. Frankly, I'd prefer that
you not contact me again. It's been fun, but... I don't expect this
to grow into a committed relationship. And if you do keep in touch,
well then it just gets messy: I'll expect a phone call/email/
unannounced visit every now and then. How does once a week sound?

I understand your need for "discretion."
I totally accept your situation - married/partnered, incredibly
and neurotically closeted, whatever. If we were both more
realistic and in touch with our feelings and motives we probably
would have just jerked off and avoided this whole thing.

Or maybe you're healthier and more well adjusted than I am.
I'm reminded - give me a moment here, can you? - of that
magnificent young gymast I met in LA decades ago. My first,
really, successful hookup. Met him on the phone. He drove up
from Long Beach, a good hour each way. So good looking, I was
intimidated. He wasn't. I started undressing him and felt my
knees get weak. But I digress. Point being, he was clearly brought
up differently than I was. He was OK with it. In fact, his parents
and girlfriend knew about this side of him. They probably all had my
phone number and address... I was surprised they hadn't come up
with him to check me out. Again, I digress.

If I think this is all natural, healthy, recreational sex between two
normal, healthy, consenting adults... well... I don't think I can go
through with it. I need that element of taboo to really, uh, perform.
It would be better if we both felt just awful afterwards and pledged
never to do it again. Until the next time.

Oh, what the hell. Let's get naked.