Happy New Year

Sometimes, having sex with someone is the most efficient way to get them to leave.

That would be a great one-liner but I feel I owe our (five) followers something
more elaborate. When it rains, it pours. And my three-way fantasy seemed
about to come true.

One twenty-one year old, a 38 year old auto mechanic. It was insanely complicated setting it all up: forwarding pics and emails to one or the other. I was wiped out before it began. Not to mention the fact that all this cost me a couple of episodes of "The Twilight Zone" marathon, dammit.

The young one showed up first. I was shocked. Usually they don't. He drove a nice car. Nervous, edgy, smiled a lot, didn't drink beer. He just sat there. We waited for the third to drive in from Jackson. Thirty five miles. Man, these guys are dedicated. I knew immediately, the way we know these things, that my heart was not in it. And the third guy would just complicate matters. What's a proper host to do? "Excuse me, but... Happy New Year. Leave the beer."

We sat, we chatted, we drank beer, I wanted to go to bed. Alone. Then it all happened at once. The mechanic took off his clothes, the young guy followed him into the bedroom. I suppose I could have stayed in the living room. Again, not sure of the protocol in this situation. I went into the bedroom as well. Moans, sighs, some unpleasant odors.

To be blunt, it was no fun for me. They both came, I did not. And hey, I was the host! Rude...

But, of course, it was over and all that was left was for them to put their clothes on and leave. Which they did. But not quick enough to suit me.

He took the beer.

Looking forward to 2012. Is this when the world ends?